Stolen Manhood

This morning I was assigned the malicious task of transporting my family's cat, Boondock, to the vet to be "fixed", a term that is appropriately obnoxious. What was wrong with the cat that required this inhumane operation? Ya, he could be considered spunky, possibly even annoying, but its an animal. I think we expect too much from the behavior of our pets. Cats and dogs have been domesticated for thousands of years, but can we really hold them to that kind of lofty standard? Poor Boone wasn't instructed under the tutelage of his parents. He didn't have a mentor that told him, "don't scratch furniture or jump on tables, or they'll take away your manhood". What's worse is that we now consider it irresponsible to not "fix" our pets, and it's even broadcasted during The Price is Right. Who can we blame for turning our beloved animals into a bunch of barren eunuchs? Christians have obviously made it difficult with their stringent anti-abortion laws. Animals rights groups certainly need to take some blame here as well. They were all up in arms over the Michael Vick debacle, yet they support the castration of thousands of helpless animals. And how can we ignore Bob Barker? He could have chosen any charitable project in the world, yet he chose this. What kind of sicko would put this kind of an effort into stealing my cat's instinctual identity? Maybe his part in Happy Gilmore was a lot more accurate than anyone gave him credit for. All I know is that when I return home, and look into the eyes of my mini tiger, something is going to be missing. Worst of all, he is forever going to associate me with this horrific day, for putting him in a cramped crate and driving him to his eventual demise. He is never going to trust me again. I am sorry that we had to do this Boondock, and I am especially sorry that I played such an integral role in all of this.